It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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