u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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