I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
