So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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