The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
