Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
