Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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