I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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