I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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