he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
