True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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