Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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