I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
