He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
