got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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