when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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