I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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