who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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