hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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