Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
