his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
