Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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