Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All I want is dick and wine.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
