after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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