half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
