You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
