Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
