You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
