Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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