I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
