They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
