Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
