No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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