Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize