another moral hangover. fuck.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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