woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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