I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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