I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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