Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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