she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize