I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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