I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
