I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
