Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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