id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
