I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
