we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
