I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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