Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
