I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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