How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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