Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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