he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
