dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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