Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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