haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you would pick up someone in the library
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
