giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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