I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
