You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
