So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
