Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
