i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You are the jesus of drinking
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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