A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
