Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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