all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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