Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
