when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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