I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
