I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think i have herpe
just one?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
