Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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