he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
