Come see our sink grown plant.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
