i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
