One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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