How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
