dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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