A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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