I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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