I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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