He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
