just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
