I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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